STUDY - Technical - WRITING

a nEW mORNING of a new love

If you give your heart to any passerby, what will you be left with?

I came here to love and be loved!

What could be the best choice? To be a mother! This is what I chose.

But the times since then have been a bad choice! You could only love and be loved by your children.

Maternal instinct, genes, the need to survive, only these made me go forward... Diligently and tenaciously!

Atua, my “Sun”, was the last one I lost in the long line of 12 births in that life…

I remember each of them… And Aataaq (Polar Bear), Aqpik (Ice), Igloolik (Place of Snow), Inuk (Human), Qilakitsoq (Place of the Big Stone) and Qimmiq (Dog)...

But also my girls, Arnaq (Woman), Naajaraaluk (Beautiful Woman), Qivittoq (Wanderer), Uqqumiq (Seal), or Maniitsoq (Place of the Sun).

From the long line of partners who possessed me but for whom I only felt the peace of not being alone, I don’t remember a single name…

It’s just that they were too hardened to their ways... Far from me, from my fight for life...

And I finished that dream at not even 30 years old! Too fast to succeed in what had become for me, the love of life... As painful as it seemed to be...

But since then, thanks to my last children, Atua and Maniitsoq, the children of the sun, I have always known that the Great Winter will end and the sun will brighten our lives.

And more lives followed, becoming better and better at being a mother, learning from every step she took, and reminding me of each of my children that I loved them and they loved me unconditionally!

A step followed in which I was an Athenian. The sun was present in our lives wherever we were; life was developing with every gesture of our existence.

Then I realized that everything had become far too corrupt to be able to oppose you in any way anymore. I had learned, and I had lived too much not to notice this…

As a woman, I have long indulged in being cared for and loved from time to time. Practicing for too many lifetimes, only the love given and shared for my children...

I had a beautiful life, I admit it… But I couldn’t help but notice that male possession, their laws, their deeds, everything had nothing to do with life anymore.

Their goals and their ways were everything! We were becoming a kind of eternal mistresses, even after we became mothers, when for most of them we became everything… But only as mothers... Or possessions...

And I didn’t understand why they evolved like this… In a way, they had accepted and assimilated many female behaviors.

The sensitivity and concern for beauty and art, the tenacity to take care of one’s family, the desire to love and be loved...

Everything leaves deep, unforgettable traces in everyone’s soul.

So the next life, I was an Athenian general... The desire to take care of my children was too strong to have any other choice.

Now I looked after every child of mine, from the slaves in the auxiliaries to every lokho of hoplites that made up my phalanx, alongside my lokhoagos (infantry officers).

Even the favored ilai and their hipparchos (cavalry officers), mounted on their ranks, I looked after, even if I despised them, marching on foot with my "children."

As usual, I didn’t want to lose any of them…

Even if, from one life to another, the number of my soldiers, of my children, grew more and more...

Now it was much harder to take care of every bantai of ashigaru and samurai, and he had the same disdain for daimyo, even though he was one of them too…

Yes, the more there were, the more easily he lost them… The more brutal the times, the more he became calloused with each life that was lost and with each life that passed… Regardless of his efforts, regardless of his compassion for strangers passersby…

All of us wasting our lives in the endless power game of the few, the truly out of life, out of communion, or even compassion.

Yes, I had unwittingly exercised my sense of justice!

Even now, I don’t know where it took root so strongly in my soul. Maybe because of the code of honor of those times... Who knows?

Therefore, I have spent several lifetimes trying to shake off the illusion of power by being a judge in various courts of justice.

Thus, I practiced existence with the most manipulative levers of power, studying in detail what would be the ways of true justice and a true help for what I wanted to protect: the lives of each one of us.

But I wasted those existences, realizing the hard way that I was exercising the power of the chosen under their laws for them, for their power and arrogance. Without having the slightest chance to do anything. Just to condemn based on their laws!

That moment came when I felt so helpless that I wanted to never return to this planet, which was too corrupt for the meaning of my being.

But in the end, I still felt like I couldn’t give up! I will not give up! It was a cry that came from the depths of my soul.

Especially since I was back with my family, to whom I was giving everything!

And in a few existences, I became a policeman, a detective, looking for ways to help the weak get rid of the bad, regardless of their level and impact.

But again, I was wrong. Tiresomely stupid. The contact with my family had deepened, and I was rediscovering total dedication to my family, my loved ones, and my children.

I put them in danger every time the wicked I touched were high among the chosen, or among their useful, indispensable servants.

I was awakened by an as arrogant as it was threatening question from the chief prosecutor:

Is your daughter turning one year old tomorrow? Don’t let this useless sense of justice and compassion overwhelm you! Give up the investigation now!

I once again became a small piece in the unbeatable mechanism of power. Putting behind bars only the little chickens, the insignificant murderers, but without putting my family, my proteges, in danger for a second.

Then, at the end of that existence, I became aware of a disturbing piece of information: Hitler, the so-called perpetrator of World War II atrocities, broke absolutely no laws in his Reich!

And like him many others… Thus I missed two more existences…

In this existence, I returned as a mother, a general, a vigilante... Neutral or powerful, only forcing others to take the oath of allegiance!

Far from power games, from the dangers of involvement... With the hope that those who swear will do their job! As gullible and exposed as I was, so many bitter lives...

I decided to hibernate in this winter of souls. Thinking and giving everything only to my family! Today’s worries are enough!

But I know that out of this winter of the soul, the sun will rise, and Atua and Maniitsoq will live well no matter which way life goes!

Now I’ve finished my morning run, and I’m rushing home! My little ones wake up and I have to make them breakfast before they go to school and my “dizzy” husband goes to work.

I’m too good to be stressed by anything else… I have time, I have strength, I have what I need!

I take a deep breath of today’s sunrise breeze and ask myself:

To how many passing souls have I given something of my soul? Do I still have something left in it? How much of me still fights for life, and how much for the power of the chosen ones?

With so many traces deep in my soul, is there any ray of light still passing out or in?

Or am I a male or female soul?

Nah, what does it matter? The important thing is that I love and am loved!

Phew, let’s go home quickly! I would still have time to think until I arrived.

Note: Images are created by me, Merticaru Dorin Nicolae, using Microsoft Bing Image Creator.

Dorin, Merticaru (01.30, 2024)